Priorities: Where are mine?

I had an interesting conversation with a friend at work today. This friend and I share the same faith so I know his views are similar to mine in many areas. We have a fun time sitting around and discussing where we should be yet we aren’t. Normally after these conversations I walk away laughing and not a lot changes. After today’s conversation I am hoping to have a different result.

Today’s conversation consisted of what our ultimate goal is (Exaltation), and if the choices we make in life are consistent with what is needed to reach such a goal. I must say, sadly in many ways I do not believe mine are. Do not get me wrong. For the most part I believe I live a pretty good life, make good choices and try really hard…J I love my wife and children and can honestly say they are my top priority.

Unfortunately, I think in some weird ways that is where my problem is. My first and top priority should be me. I know that sounds selfish but if my ultimate goal is to be exalted, and be with my wife and family forever then I need to get myself there first. If I have not lived my life in a way worthy of obtaining this goal then what was it all for, is my family really my priority (Shelley-yes they definitely are)?

One of the main areas of discussion that made me ponder this issue was talking about the expectations we have for our children. Since when did holding your children to higher standards then you hold yourself become acceptable. How in the world can I expect my fourteen year old son (soon to be fifteen) to not watch television on Sunday when it is ok for mom and dad? How can I expect my children to talk softly and kindly to each other when I do not always? Trust me the list of expectations is much longer, which I am sure my children would be happy to tell you. I can honestly say I have been expecting more of my children then I am willing to give myself.

Other than your relationship with your spouse (love yah hun), there is almost nothing that I should be willing to do that I would not allow my children to do. I guess in many ways I am a hypocrite. One example is a guilty pleasure called Sons of Anarchy (I have many just not sharing all of them J). Great show and I am now in season 3. I would never in a million years allow my children to watch it. So why do I?

If I do not allow my children to do something because there is inappropriate material involved why should it be appropriate to me? Well it is appropriate to me because I hold myself to a lower standard. With that being said does this sound like someone worthy of reaching such a goal.

This was just one small example of how I feel I, and probably many others, hold our children to higher standards then we do our self. I really believe that as long as this is my mentality and method of rearing my family how can I expect the results I am striving for.

Once again it is time to clean the house that is ME. I need to not have a season 4 with the SonsL. I must get up that ladder and be two rungs ahead of my family and not pushing up on them from below. I owe them that.

Brigham Young said “We should never permit ourselves to do anything that we are not willing to see our children do. We should set them an example that we wish them to imitate.”

I need to be better starting yesterday.

Remember, it is your family that fills your cup, and my cup is always full.

Needs VS. Wants

I had an eye opening experience at work. I was assisting with a case involving a single mother with her three daughters (ages 12, 11, and 10). Due to the fact the family did not have a car I went with my partner assigned to the case to give them a ride so we could speak with them. At their residence I was advised by my partner that they had some essentials in their home but no furniture.

The family was then brought back to our office and interviewed for several hours reference some pretty serious issues that have been occurring within their home over the last few years. For those of you who know what area I work in you can assume the disclosures made by the young girls were not happy ones. I am sure you can imagine how miserable and sad they must have been.

The reality is I never saw a smile leave their faces. The girls were so excited to have their mother home from work spending the afternoon with them. They continually asked me and my partner questions about us and how we enjoyed what we did. When it was time to take them home each of the young girls were given a stuffed animal and a small quilt (donated by volunteers). The excitement and appreciation they should for receiving such an astounding (just a bit of sarcasm) gift floored me. They talked about their quilts and small stuffed bears the entire drive home.

Once at home they again sincerely thanked us and went into their couchless residence which if my partner had not been in their home we would have never known. Never once did any of the girls complain about what they did not have or how miserable and hard their lives are.

Why are we instructed to be as a child? I will go home tonight looked at my old couches (yes honey I know we need new ones), watch and complain about the picture on my 52” television which is out of date, listen to the children fight over the Xbox while I decide if Shelley and I are going out to eat while the kids have pizza at home. Wow, what a tough and miserable life I have.

My son Joshua made a poster and described me as his hero (obviously I keep him isolated). One of the areas he said I helped him with was providing for his needs and occasionally getting him his wants. Does he even know what he truly needs as opposed to what he wants? Do I remember the difference between a need and a want?

In today’s world I have, we have become conditioned with new technology and gadgets. How can items that 5 to 10 years ago did not exist all of a sudden become needed to function and survive? Do your children know life without an IPod or cell phone? And we wonder what has happened to the world. We have.

I greatly appreciate three young girls for teaching me a valuable life lesson through what I can only assume is a nightmare of a life, since they would never tell you it was. Thank you. I can only hope and pray this is not another lesson learned today and forgotten tomorrow. How much better would I be if I would allow some of this stuff to just stick?

Again it has been confirmed to me that My Cup is Always Full. Thank You.

Time for a change!

Finally deciding to write down what goes on in this warped mind of mine, SCARY. Actually, I got to work today and after playing a couple of songs for a fellow employee, which my boys sang at an assembly yesterday, I was told my cup runneth over. As I thought about what she said I felt to myself I wish I allowed myself to feel that way more often, because it truly does. How blessed a life I live but unfortunately I too seldom stop to smell the roses or even slow down to enjoy the scenery.    

I think the majority of my problem has come from what I have allowed to take place in my mind, mentally through years as a law enforcement officer, and specifically over the last five years as an investigator in domestic violence and child crimes. People are inherently GOOD. It is in our nature. Unfortunately, many choose not to follow that basic principle of our existence and therein lies my focus.

Through my career (keep in mind I am dealing with the 10 % who generate 90% of the world’s darkness), I have allowed myself to start siding with the errant philosophy that maybe people aren’t all that good. Maybe I just need to focus on myself and my family and forget everyone else. The problem with that is because of how I have been conditioned over the last several years I focus on the negative. My kids do not listen or do their chores, I don’t make enough money, I am not allowed to rest and constantly asked to help when I just want to sit down, I don’t read my scriptures or say my prayers like I should, my house is too small, my car probably won’t make it to work today, the person in the car in front of me is a moron. Well, you get the picture.

My attitude to often is my glass is half empty and I, me, need to find a way to fill it. Well guess what Derek, you can’t. I need God, my wife, my children, other family, my friends and others I come in contact with daily to achieve this task. I need to nurture my faith, be a better husband, be a better father and be a better friend. Heck, I just need to be a better person. I need to stop being so self absorbed and focus on what others can do for me as well as what I can do for them.

I believe many people; especially in today’s trying times have fallen into this self reliant trap. Well I am, with the help of others, out to fix myself. Again, it is in our nature to do so. One of the most divine acts, The Atonement, was carried out to assist in this very area. To overcome our weaknesses, heal (or fix) ourselves and just plain be better. Trust me, I need to be better. Just ask my wife.

I have decided to focus on the goodness in people. The benefit others provide to my life. The joy, happiness and love my wife and children bring into my life, and the necessity of GOD. I am keeping a journal, blog, to remind myself and others that my cup is always full. I am dedicating this effort to my wonderful wife Shelley and just plain AWESOME children (Tyler, Michael, Julianna, Joshua, Matthew and Bella). I love you all and will be better for you.