Time for a change!

Finally deciding to write down what goes on in this warped mind of mine, SCARY. Actually, I got to work today and after playing a couple of songs for a fellow employee, which my boys sang at an assembly yesterday, I was told my cup runneth over. As I thought about what she said I felt to myself I wish I allowed myself to feel that way more often, because it truly does. How blessed a life I live but unfortunately I too seldom stop to smell the roses or even slow down to enjoy the scenery.    

I think the majority of my problem has come from what I have allowed to take place in my mind, mentally through years as a law enforcement officer, and specifically over the last five years as an investigator in domestic violence and child crimes. People are inherently GOOD. It is in our nature. Unfortunately, many choose not to follow that basic principle of our existence and therein lies my focus.

Through my career (keep in mind I am dealing with the 10 % who generate 90% of the world’s darkness), I have allowed myself to start siding with the errant philosophy that maybe people aren’t all that good. Maybe I just need to focus on myself and my family and forget everyone else. The problem with that is because of how I have been conditioned over the last several years I focus on the negative. My kids do not listen or do their chores, I don’t make enough money, I am not allowed to rest and constantly asked to help when I just want to sit down, I don’t read my scriptures or say my prayers like I should, my house is too small, my car probably won’t make it to work today, the person in the car in front of me is a moron. Well, you get the picture.

My attitude to often is my glass is half empty and I, me, need to find a way to fill it. Well guess what Derek, you can’t. I need God, my wife, my children, other family, my friends and others I come in contact with daily to achieve this task. I need to nurture my faith, be a better husband, be a better father and be a better friend. Heck, I just need to be a better person. I need to stop being so self absorbed and focus on what others can do for me as well as what I can do for them.

I believe many people; especially in today’s trying times have fallen into this self reliant trap. Well I am, with the help of others, out to fix myself. Again, it is in our nature to do so. One of the most divine acts, The Atonement, was carried out to assist in this very area. To overcome our weaknesses, heal (or fix) ourselves and just plain be better. Trust me, I need to be better. Just ask my wife.

I have decided to focus on the goodness in people. The benefit others provide to my life. The joy, happiness and love my wife and children bring into my life, and the necessity of GOD. I am keeping a journal, blog, to remind myself and others that my cup is always full. I am dedicating this effort to my wonderful wife Shelley and just plain AWESOME children (Tyler, Michael, Julianna, Joshua, Matthew and Bella). I love you all and will be better for you.